sane psycho

a blog about the insane babblings of a frustrated shrink turned lunatic

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Name: dyeni
Home: Paranaque, Metro Manila, Philippines
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Animal Planet
Sunday, August 14, 2005

I just came to realize that Animal Planet is not just a cable channel but it’s where I live. Every friggin' day, I discover a new animal in different areas of my house and somehow, these animals seem to be after me in one way or another...

Couple of months ago, my cousin caused our entire street to panic since he claimed to have seen a snake "as thick as his arm" slithering into our garage. So all the supposedly "brave males" of our street gathered around our gate "fully armed" – by fully armed I mean they were carrying sacks, and different kinds of sticks (yes, bbq stick included). My father was not yet a part of the "brave male" crowd as he was napping (at 6pm). He was then awakened by the sound of my screeching mother. So my father in complete battle gear attire (shorts & white rubber boots) went out to join the now growing crowd by our gate. Then, after a while of gasps & shouts from the bystanders, the snake comes out...a little teeny, weeny, black garter snake as thick as a piece of spaghetti string. Aaaarrrgggh! How truly frightening! The snake could pass for a really well fed earthworm! Stupid cousin!

A few weeks ago, a litter of kittens were born somewhere near our house (before you go "awwww..." read on). I just didn't realize that "somewhere near our house" meant somewhere inside our house. More specifically, somewhere near my window!
I had the 6-3 shift during that time and I could not sleep a wink!
All I could hear were the stupid kittens' incessant meowing!
"Miw! Miw! Miw! Miw! Miw!"
All night long, the constant, never-ending "Miw!"
And if I do get to sleep, I dream about the kittens "Miwing!"
Damn you cute and furry little creatures of hell!
Thank God their mother decided to move them!

I thought my suffering was over but NOOOOOO...
About 2-3 days ago, my mother brings home about 8 tiny birds. I thoughts they were harmless like the 2 parakeets that we already had. Man! Was I wrong!
These new birds were freaks!
They may look like birds, but they sounded like frogs. So all the live long day they croak & croak & croak (my mother finds them sweet & endearing).
This time I'm on the GY shift so I sleep during the day but since these evil winged-beasts came into my life, its like kittenhell all over again!

Nananadya ba kayo?!!!

A couple of nights ago, I was in a staring contest with what seemed to be a flying cockroach...I lost.

Me...about to enter my room. I stopped cold since I saw the most horrifying sight ever---a cockroach smack right in the middle of the upper doorframe facing downwards, as if preparing to attack whoever dares try to enter the room.

Its target...Me.

Now before you judge me, there's something you need to know first. Roaches, whether living or dead, are my biggest fear. I have never in my entire life killed a roach (ever!) and I scream bloody murder every time a roach even so much tries to get within 3 feet from me.

So being the sissy that I am, I slowly walk towards the bathroom (which was right next to my room), all the while never taking my eyes off the roach. And when I was 3 steps away from the bathroom, I ran inside and quickly closed the door (Yes! I realize how stupid it is for a grown person to be afraid of a 2 inch insect!).

I looked around the bathroom for the Baygon (we keep it there sometimes). But it wasn't there. So in true MacGyver style, I decided to improvise. I looked around for any other object I could use as a weapon. The only things I could find were my father's used shorts and an empty toilet paper roll. I grabbed the two (not really knowing what their use was for such a deadly event) and slowly opened the bathroom door. I looked to where the roach was supposed to be (door frame) but it wasn't there anymore.

Guess where it was! That's right! In front of the bathroom, staring at me! I swear! It really wants to kill me!

So I hurled my father's shorts and the empty toilet paper roll at it (MacGyver would have been proud) and ran to my room.

I pray to God that I would not be running into any more of these monsters anytime soon. If I do, that would most probably be the death of me.
posted by dyeni @ 7:32 AM  
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