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Name: dyeni
Home: Paranaque, Metro Manila, Philippines
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Jonathan Kent, I am sooooo sorry
Monday, October 31, 2005

I have to admit, I have been struggling with my weight since I was in Grade School. Back then I was underweight. So I went through this weird diet of Maggi and Royco (I miss those alphabet noodles!) chicken noodles and rice for a couple of months and voila! I was now overweight. Not obese! Just over my clinically approved weight (I’m trying to be politically correct here). Normal term by the way, would be fat.

Right now I’m still over my clinically approved weight. And I think I will always be over my clinically approved weight because of my boobs! Damn you Nuguid genes! I swear! Every woman in my mom’s side of the family have breasts Pamela Anderson would envy!

Like a lot of people I know, I don’t eat healthy and I probably never will. I would have to be killed before I eat tofu meat or god-forbid be on a vegetable and fruit diet. I know for certain that switching my diet to tofu, veggies & fruits would be very good for me but I loooove to eat! You only get to live once and damn it I’m not gonna waste it depriving myself of good food!

But don’t get me wrong, I’m not just gonna make like a lard and just stuff myself to death with fat & sugar. To offset my extremely unhealthy diet I exercise.

Yes. That’s right! Exercise. I thought that I wouldn’t like it and well…I was right. It sucks big time! My first attempt had been a couple of years ago during my unemployed months. I joined a gym near our house and had a tiny muscular trainer (think a brown version of popeye without the pinkeye, the pipe and the anchor tattoo, oh yeah and the sailor costume coz that would just be plain creepy). I had to endure two hours of weightlifting and the abflex and the worst gym machine ever... the treadmill.

I stupidly thought the treadmill would be a snap. I mean, its just walking on a revolving black rubberpad. How hard could that be, right? Geeeez… after 3 minutes on the treadmill, I felt like I was going to die! So after 5 minutes, I swear, I could literally see stars. And that was only supposed to be a warm-up. That was the first and only time I tried out the treadmill. The following day, I pleaded w/ the trainer to let me just warm-up with the stationary bike and he allowed it. I spent 2 hours a day in the gym and quit after a month. I couldn’t take it anymore! That 2 hours a day caused me to spend the remaining 22 hours in a day paralyzed in bed. I couldn’t stand and my arms and legs felt like jelly.

My current attempt at exercising is going much better. My mother just bought a treadmill (which I refuse to even touch) and aside from that, she also bought Timeworks FX and initially placed it beside the treadmill.

For those of you who don’t know what Timeworks is, it’s the weird contraption that Smallville’s John Schneider (Jonathan Kent) is advertising on TV Shopping Networks. When I first saw that particular ad on TV, I made fun of it and well, made fun of John Schneider. (“Oh no Martha! Clark is in trouble! I shall now use my trusty Timeworks to save him!”). Plus! Timeworks itself looked like a sissy machine! Like a warped version of a stationary bike. And then, my mother got one. To make things worst, when I came back from work last week, behold, the Timeworks Machine IN MY ROOM, mocking me! So yes, I took the oh-so-obvious hint my mother gave and started using it. Man! It was not as easy as it looked! 5 minutes of using Timeworks was like 2 hours in the gym! My arms and ass hurt like hell (they still hurt up to now). Its been a week since I started using Timeworks and miraculously, I still use it. I willingly use it! 15 minutes a day. I try to go beyond that but I start going blind whenever I exceed 15 minutes.

So, to end this extremely useless and pointless post I would like to extend my apologies to Mr. John Schneider, or as mentioned above, better known as Jonathan Kent.

Mr. Kent, I am sorry I misjudged you and the product you were advertising. Although, I have NEVER seen you use the Timeworks machine in the tv ad (you did point at it at one time), I would like to commend you for using Timeworks (IF you really use it), cause my god, that is one tough exercise machine! For me, YOU are now the true Superman of Smallville.
posted by dyeni @ 7:09 AM  
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